Monday, January 30, 2023

The Amazing Cybersecurity Tool That Will Make You 10 Years Younger!

If you expect this post to be intelligent or thought-provoking, you may want to skip it.

Have you shopped around for some kind of tool to monitor your traffic and/or logs, adjust your firewall in response to an event such as good old exfiltration, or ensure your security and privacy policies are up to date? Or you just go to a trade show booth and ask a few questions. And you then make the mistake to leave your contact info, which then leads to and endless river emails and calls and brochures saying how their amazing product will drop ransomware dead, eliminate any and all phishing emails, patch your ssh to a release that is 2 years in the future, and all of that while shrinking the ozone layer and bringing the dodo bird back to life? Well, I decided it was time to make my own.

Ok, the software who features my code announces is vapourware, thankfully. But I thought it was time to have fun with the algamation of buzzwords salesreps call product descriptions. With my amazing tool you too can spew garbage like "Our disruptive tool implements a passwordless methodology enabling you to amplify the positive impact of the ROI of your verticals by using our continuous monitoring interface," which I do not know whether it promises things it does not deliver (vapurware?) because, to be quite honest, I do not think it really means anything. But, it sure sounds impressive for a someone of a business lean. So, if you need a laugh, give it a try. Or contribute with more buzzwords.

Repo link:

Incidentally, this is related to a proper post I am trying to finish.